Karen's Modest Proposal

In my AP English class, we were assigned to write a parody of "A Modest Proposal" and exagerate our point as well as provide a disclaimer. If you have not read "A Modest Prposal" I would strongly encourage you to do so. I found the original quite humerous. I hope you enjoy my own modest proposal, it would in fact benefit all of you as well as future Rybolt generations.


Junaluska Goose



“A Modest Proposal”
My family has vacationed in North Carolina at Lake Junaluska for the past twenty-three years. We have stayed in various rental houses, played tennis every morning, and have always enjoyed feeding the ducks, until now. Canadian geese have now overpopulated the lake. Statistics show that the geese population has increased by over five hundred percent in the past three years. Junaluska was once a great vacation spot but has now been filled by these horrid creatures. Not only are their feces covering the parking lots and walkways, but the geese also enjoy attacking some of the younger generation of vacationers.
We used to rent a marvelous house that was near the lake, had a beautiful view, and was in close proximity to the tennis courts. Since the geese population has increased, staying near the lake is no longer an option. These geese honk from about nine o’clock at night until midnight, so it is quite a challenge to fall asleep. Then the geese begin honking again at five o’clock in the morning and continue till eight, so they are sure that no one misses a sunrise. It used to bring me so much joy to walk on the paths surrounded by flowers, but I now fear to stroll them because of the repulsive smell and the mounds of waste.
These geese are obviously causing major issues at the lake and must be taken care of some how. There are a couple of simple solutions that will not only rid vacationers of the geese but also benefit others within the community.
My first proposition would be to poison the feed sold outside the Junaluska tea room. I believe that more people will purchase poisoned feed than the non-poisoned because vacationers are currently more concerned about killing off the geese than helping the other ducks survive. An understandable concern of course would be that the ducks or the swans might get poisoned as well. I know this outcome is impossible because as long as the geese are alive, they are too selfish to allow another bird to eat. So most geese will be taken care of through the poisoning of feed, but some may build up immunity.
For those geese that build up immunity, we shall capture, kill, and eat them. Although I have not yet tasted any type of bird other than chicken, I have heard that other birds have quite an appealing taste. Many people wanting to start a new business will want to move to Junaluska to profit from the deceased fowls. This approach will not only benefit the entrepreneurs but the town as a whole.
Finally, for the geese who wish to migrate South at some other time, a sniper will be set up in a watch tower twenty-four hours, seven days a week. The snipers will be stationed there for as long as it takes to either wipe out the entire population of Canadian geese or at least prevent them from returning to Lake Junaluska.
I want to admit that, while this proposal may be beneficial to vacationers, unemployed snipers, and really hungry people driving through the area, it will not benefit me. I do not believe I could bring myself to return to Junaluska after the many sleepless nights and crap-covered shoes. Also, I chose only to eat chicken fingers, fries, and mozzarella sticks when on vacation; therefore, I do not wish to taste geese. Currently I do not own a gun, nor do I plan on purchasing one in the near future. In closing, this plan needs to be put into effect as soon as possible, so vacationers may begin to reap the benefits and the geese will get what they deserve.